Join me on my journey!

March 2013

Dear Friends and Family:

I recently received the exciting news that I have been invited to do two workshops on Counseling after Pregnancy and Infant Loss for two National Counseling organizations.  The first workshop will be on Thursday September 5^th during the CareNet National Pregnancy Center Conference being held in Denver, Colorado.  The second workshop will be on Saturday September 14th during the American Association of Christian Counselors National Conference being held in Nashville, TN.

This is a very competitive proposal process, and I am honored that I have been selected.   While these opportunities provide great exposure to a national counseling audience and a chance to network with other counselors, these are not paid opportunities.  I have to pay for all my travel expenses (transportation, lodging, food), and also for the cost of the conference registrations.  Below is an approximate list of what each conference will cost.  I am seeking sponsorship from individuals and organizations to allow me to present at these workshops.

I have already received a $600 sponsorship from Master’s International School of Divinity, and I participated in a weekend garage sale which brought in around $300.  I will be doing some additional teaching for the school over the next 3 months which should bring in an additional $900.  So I am estimating, based on the list below, that I need to raise an additional $1,200 - $1,300 for this opportunity.  Will you consider supporting this opportunity?  While your donation is not tax deductible, your donation will help provided much needed education to counselors about how to best respond when working with families facing miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death.  I will send a receipt for each donation, and when I return give a full accounting of how the funds were spent.  As a sponsor, you will also receive updates on how my fundraising is proceeding.  If I receive more than needed for this trip, I will donate any overages to a non-profit organization supporting pregnancy and infant loss.

Donations of any size are appreciated.  I hope you will consider joining me on this journey.

Sincerely,

Deena

Deena Crandall, MA

541-556-2773

Dlcrandall2@yahoo.com

ESTIMATED EXPENSES

CARE NET

$399 – Conference Registration (Includes lunch/dinner Thursday and Friday and lunch Sat).

$521 – 3 nights in the Sheraton hotel downtown Denver

$80 – Transportation to and from Denver International Airport via shuttle

$120 – Food (Lunch/dinner Wed, Breakfast Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Dinner Saturday)

$450 – Round-trip Airfare from Eugene to Denver (includes baggage fees)

$1,570 - total expenses for Care Net.

AACC

$220 – Basic Conference Registration

$352 – 4 nights at the Fiddlers Inn Motel (1/2 mile from the Gaylord Opryland Hotel and Convention Site).  If someone wanted to sponsor the Gaylord it would be $845 for those same 4 nights.

$300 – Meals for Wednesday – Sunday (no meals are included in the conference registration)

$50 – Transportation to and from Nashville International Airport

$480 – Round-trip Airfare from Portland to Denver on Southwest.

$54 – Transportation to and from Portland International.

$1456 – total expenses for AACC

$3,026 Estimated expenses

-$300 – garage sale

-$600 – Masters Sponsorship

-$900 – estimated additional teaching income

**$1,226 still to be raised**

Getting healthy

This time of the year is always a little bitter-sweet.  I am coming up on 12 years since my last miscarriage.  So much has happened since then.  Now I take care of people who are grieving the loss of their children.  I suppose that is the gift that my son James gave to me; an understanding of what it is like to have a child die.

So how do you handle the holidays?  Be kind to yourself, eat and drink and sleep well.  Do something to remember your child by - whether it is volunteering or decorating something.  Do something together with your partner/spouse.

I am taking care of myself by getting healthy and losing weight.  I have lost 15 pounds in the last 12 weeks through changing my eating habits and doing some kind of exercise more days than not.  It makes a difference.  This is not a diet - it is a lifestyle change.  Eat more fruits and vegetables and less fast food.  Be aware of what I am putting in my mouth and how moving makes a difference.  It takes a little more thought and creativity to be able to eat better and healthy on a limited budget, but it can be done.  My husband has lost a few pounds as well.

So as we approach a new year I challenge you to think outside the box in how you would like to change your life.  I see people's lives change every day.  Be a part of the solution.

More later.

Thoughts about Mardi Gras

This is a week of contrasts.  Tomorrow is Mardi Gras or "Fat Tuesday" where there will be grand parties and parades especially in New Orleans.  Beads will be in abundance, especially for those females willing to bear their chests to the world.  Everyone needs to get their partying done by midnight tomorrow when Ash Wednesday begins.  Ash Wednesday marks the 40 day period prior to Easter Sunday and is the beginning of the church season of Lent.  Its a sign of mourning and repentance.  Many people give up something for the season of Lent (think fish Fridays).    Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness fasting and praying at the beginning of his ministry.  Christians take the 40 days prior to Easter considering how they treat one another, and how they can be more committed to their faith.  There are often 40 day prayer vigils.

So enjoy the celebration tomorrow - and be prepared for the 40 day journey to Easter when we celebrate the capstone of the Christian faith - Christ's resurrection.  Just remember to keep your shirt on.

More later...

Life reflections

Its been 11 years since my last miscarriage.  I would be sharing my life with a 10 year old son I had carried him to term.  This time of the year is always a little bitter-sweet when I consider how things would have been.  At the same time, I have been able to accomplish things that I may not have been able to do because my husband and I are not raising children.  Our four footed cats are quite capable of taking care of themselves when we need to be away.  I will graduate with my Masters Degree in Community Counseling this Friday.  I do not think I would have been able to go back to school.  My husband and I have travelled many different places around the country  particularly with Barbershop and Sweet Adelines.  That also would have been different.  I miss the opportunity to be able to share my life with a child who I hope would have enjoyed many of the same hobbies we do, music, travel, building lego.  Perhaps sometime we will adopt a child, but that time is not yet.  For now, we care for our kitty children and do the work we have been called to do.  I know that someday I will meet my son, but until then I am very grateful for what I have, and for what this experience has given to me.  I am able to reach out and touch others because of the grief and loss I have experienced.  So on days like today when I am feeling a little melancholic, I reflect on the blessings I do have, and look to the future.

More later.

On Black "Friday"

So we have arrived at Thanksgiving.  For some, the day after Thanksgiving is the biggest shopping day of the year.  Retailers offer special deals to draw people to spend money they don't have for items other people don't really need.  So why would we want to start this sooner?

Many retailers are opening on Thanksgiving day to try to have an advantage on these bargain hunting shoppers.  This requires staff to be at the store several hours before opening, and to be there sometimes all night.  In today's economy, an employee would feel safe turning down a shift on Thursday night or Friday, lest they lose their jobs.  Where did spending time with family go?  Are people less important than more stuff?  This is what it appears.  Employees who work in retail have to work long days from Thanksgiving to Christmas, and the often more long shifts through New Years, only to be let go once January 2nd arrives.

Thanksgiving has been lost in the shuffle.  We have so much to be thankful for, especially in America.  We have the freedom to worship without much persecution.  We have the chance to spend time with our family members, friends and our furry companions.  We have the right to voice our opinions.  Christmas stuff began to go up in stores prior to Halloween this year.  Christmas specials began to appear right after Halloween, and pre-black Friday specials are already in full-swing.  There is a special holiday this week and its called THANKSGIVING.  If we do not stop to take time to give thanks for what we have, it proves we have truly become a selfish, self-centered society who takes for granted what we already have, and lust for more.

Do your family members really need more stuff?  Wouldn't they rather spend time with you?  Do we really need to spend money we don't have for stuff we don't need so we don't have the ability to help each other out when they really need the support?

Think about it, and take time to give thanks.  Not just this week, but every day we have on this earth.

More later.

On College Football

This weekend was the kickoff of College football.  Now don't get me wrong - I enjoy a good football game as much as anyone - but I really do not get the cult following I see in particular with college football.  I live in Springfield, Oregon where the UO Ducks are king.  45 miles up the road are the OSU Beavers in Corvallis.  You see people driving around with team colors on their cars, team flags and pomp pomps and other assorted decorations.  Both teams lost yesterday.  The sun still came up this morning.  These are young men playing this game - typically 19 - 24 year olds.  These kids are still learning...and football is ONLY a game.  Win or lose, life will continue.

We yell and scream at the players, coaches and referees.  We question the coaches decisions.  We cheer when something good happens, and boo when something bad happens.  We spend huge amounts of money to see our favorite team play.  We wonder why these kids make what we consider "stupid" decisions taking special perks, or driving too fast, or getting into a fight.  Yes, those were not smart decisions, but those things happen every day to other college students who are not athletes, and no one ever hears about them unless someone is hurt or killed.

These kids who may be away from home for the first time are under huge amounts of pressure to perform.  They are expected to attend classes, and do well, be at practice and play hard, and not make mistakes on game day.  They love to play the game, and they love to please their coaches and fans.

So the next time you are watching a college football game - keep this is mind.  Have some compassion for those kids - they are not being paid for what they are doing (don't give me the "they are getting their education" line) that's for another discussion on another day.  They still are still growing up.  For that matter, as a fan, behave as the adults you should be - to set a good example.

More later.

Reflections on Birth and Death days....

Three years ago today my father-in-law Ira Carlton Crandall passed away suddenly.  Today is my fathers 77th birthday.  We had breakfast with my parents to celebrate my father's birthday.  For dinner we went to Red Robin to celebrate my birthday which is coming up on the 30th.  The service for Carl was held on my 40th birthday.  I know that people make a big deal of turning 40...all about being over the hill.  But there is something about being in a memorial service for someone you love on that particular birthday that gives on pause.  We will never forget that week.  Rushing to pack to go to California knowing that Carl was not doing well, only to get the phone call every child dreads to receive....

It seems like it was just yesterday.  So as we celebrated my dad's birthday today, I found myself thinking about those events, and wanting to hold on to my dad just for another second.  I struggled with the fact that a family celebration and tragedy happened on the same day/week...why did it have to be that way?  I struggled with feeling that somehow I was robbed of something special, a birthday that will come only once.  And yet as time has gone by I have come to realize that it really gave me a special perspective.   My dad shares a birthday with the day that Carl was re-born into heaven. And I share a birthday with the day that we remembered and honored him for the wonderful father, dad and Navy officer that he had been.   We still sense his presence at different times.   He didn't miss the family reunion in Hawaii in 2009 - he came when it rained.  His sense of humor which I witness in my own husband on a daily basis.  Yes, it was a tragic day of loss...but in another sense he continues on our lives and memories - and for that I am truly thankful.

Hold your loved ones close while you still have them.  Make sure you tell them you love them every chance you get.   Make sure you don't regret what might be the last words you ever say to your loved one.  Live life to the fullest.  Don't take yourself too seriously.  And one thing that Carl taught me - Drive the back roads every chance you get!!!

More later.